Mmmmmmmemphistopheles...

Greetings Monkeys! Tonight, a special guest: My cousin Wes!!!
[enthusiastic cheer!]

TRANSCRIPT OF CONVERSATION IN HOTEL ROOM OUTSIDE MEMPHIS FOLLOWS:

Mel: hi wes.
Wes: ha ha ha ha hah!
Mel: Why are you laughing?
Wes: I'm nervous.
Mel: Don't worry. It's just like we're talking regular except were
Wes: APOSTROPHE 're.
Mel: Thanks. Except WE'RE riding the supercharged wave of FREE hi-speed internet access at the QUALITY Inn. FYI folks: The Q does NOT stand for "Quick ascent". NO ELEVATOR.
Wes: But there's room for pool.
Mel: Vas pool?
Wes: It's like snooker.
Mel: That's a little inside family joke. Only the alcoholics understand what I just said. Sorry folks, that's ANOTHER inside family joke.
Wes: When are you too drunk to post to your weblog?
Mel: When you don't bring an ethernet cable with you to Arkansas.
Wes: My mom is totally going to think we've been doing kegstands. OH NO! You can't TYPE THAT!!! YOU CANNOT! Noo! Gimmge that compute jskja
MdaklOH! Geimmma
Mowhg! LEGGO!
Mel: THAT'S FUNNY! Let me keep it in. And go sit over there AWAY from my computer if you're going to be aggressive about it. Besides. She KNOWS we don't to kegstands. We are responsible adults on a whirlwind cousinly adventure across this great nation of ours. So what do you think so far, Wes? So far so good, eh?
Wes: Ah, I was going to say something about the "two cents plain"...
Mel: Dear Dad and Joy, I hope you are finding this HILARIOUS.

[polite chuckles]

[building to riotous laughter]

[ENTHUSIASTIC CHEER!]

Mel: Okay! So really we just want everyone to know we are alive and well and found our way to Beale Street and played pool (like Snooker) in a big fancy empty bar and walked around and I got some blisters on my feet and we had icecream with minimal topping (even after we asked for a generous second scoopful to make up for the pitiful first scoopful.)
Wes: And if you think I got a speeding ticket today, you are crazy. Because I didn't. I so didn't.
Mel: ha ha! Wesley, you are top notch. I am thrilled to be here with you in this wonderfully airconditioned hotel room. But I'm a bit thirsty. I'm going to get a drink of water. How 'bout you share any final thoughts with the nice readers while I'm chugging my SmartWater?

Wes: If you wake up behind the wheel of a moving car, that means you were asleep while you were driving. Pretty sure some sense of alarm is in order there. Seek to make it so. Also, even surer than monkeys wearing fezzes, is Walgreens carrying Scrabble games. (It was the first place we stopped -- I just had a feeling.) Coming soon: photographs of seven-letter lexical carnage coming almost live from the Colorado Sand Dunes... that is, should my "Obscure Locales in which Melinda and Wes Have Played Scrabble" montage idea comes to fruition. Chances of realizing said vision: strong to very strong. Hope abides.

Mel: For it is Scrabble they have, and peace they like. Thank you, dear cousin. This was fun.

Wes: Is Conan on? [turns on TV]

Mel: Hey that's right! We have free cable. Daily Show is on. Enough of this royal hispeed internet jazz. Say goodnight, Wes.

Wes: Cheers.

Mel: Indeed!

Wes: hey maybe we could go back and clean up some of the grammatical errors before we post--

Mel: No way man, this is LIVE weblogging baby. AS IS.

Wes: Word.

Mel: Word.